my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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