Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
