I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
