Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
