Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We left the knife in your bed.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
