Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
