so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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