Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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