Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
