i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
