Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
