i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
