I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
