Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
How naked do you want me to be?
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