bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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