atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
