I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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