she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
