My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
