just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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