thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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