At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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