Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
