Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
