Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
