your thong is hanging out like whoa
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
