I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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