Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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