literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
