It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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