You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
