omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
