dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
