god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
