Please, let me fuck your mom
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think I am morally bankrupt
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
