dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
