its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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