just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
