I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize