Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
