Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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