My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
