So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
