I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
