I'm gonna have a badass scar
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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