I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
