census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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