I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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