Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
