not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
