I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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