I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
