I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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