I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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