With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
