theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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