Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
