I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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