At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
