i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
