I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
