we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
