god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
