That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
