Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
