Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
