THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize