Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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