Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
