my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
